Yesterday was Dad’s birthday. I think he would have been 78. In 1993 he went to heaven in a very peaceful way. I remember very vividly how I got the news. I was home alone sitting in the “captain’s chair” at my apartment. I was in school at Fairmont State and surprisingly enough was not out with my fraternity brothers partying like there was no tomorrow or doing community service work. 
Anyway, it had been a very quiet and peaceful evening. I had spent most of it just reading and relaxing. I remember that I sensed something was out of place but just ignored it. Then my Aunt Nancy called around 2am. I can still remember the sensation when the phone rang, the chilled dreadful feeling that came over my body and then looking at the phone and thinking, “this is not going to be good.” Well, you know what the call was…..Dad passed away. It was a long trip to Springfield, IL. Plenty of time to think and remember. One thing that stuck with me was what a great Christmas we just had. After years of poor communication and problems we were finally beginning to communicate well and there was a sense of reconciliation and forgiveness between us. It really was a father and son trying to start over and rebuild a relationship after years and years of misunderstanding and incomplete thoughts and feelings. I really felt tremendous peace between us. I also remember thinking that his time may be at an end soon. His light had dimmed, his face wore signs of physical stress and his presence was fading. He was still full of love, happiness and laughter but I could tell something was wrong.
The funeral was held in Camp Butler in Springfield. It was a cold February day with a mix of rain, snow and heavy wind. Sitting here now I’m looking at his burial flag on the wall which is encased with three of the shells from his 21 gun salute. The shots ringing out add a tremendous “finality” to the funeral. I can still feel the cold brisk wind and being pelted with big rain drops and with the random big snow flake making thud noises on my coat. I haven’t been back since. It would be nice to travel out there again to visit his grave, see Arlene and visit his still vivacious sister Corrine who is still a teenager in an 83 year old woman’s body.
It took a long time to grieve the loss of Him. There are several friends who read this blog that knew me then and can still only shake their head in amazement when reflecting how I finally dealt with it. Let’s just say it wasn’t exactly the most healthy thing. Anyway, it took a very very long time and I hadn’t really and truly made amends with him until this past Christmas. 15 years is a long time to carry something like that around. There are many many people in this world that carry things their entire lives without resolution. I guess that’s why they say that not everything (trials) get worked out on this side of Heaven. I’m just happy to know that they will be worked out eventually. Well, Happy Belated Birthday Dad! I love you, miss you and know you are watching from above. I’m proud to be who I am and what impact you had on me to be the man that I am now. I look forward to reuniting with you in Heaven. Hopefully it will be after I live a long fruitful life myself.
Your Loving Son,
Chip
