Circumstances

Appropriately enough we’ve been studying Peter in church lately. He really loved Christ and at the same time he seemed to be what our culture stereotypes as a real screw up with a big heart. I think I can relate to that at times. I love God and boy do I make big mistakes. We all do but we can’t let it rule us. Hence the title, “Circumstances”. Often we let our circumstances rule our lives instead of having faith in God and trusting His will for our lives. Why am I writing about circumstances you ask? Well, I thought I was reaching a clearing or coming out of a very challenging and difficult time with a clear and open path so that I could just enjoy life. You know, a reprieve from the challenges even if it was only for a short time. Well, I’m on the verge of signing a contract and entering into an agreement that many would say is the “perfect” employment for me. However, when I went from my previous health plan to the new one in Januray I was assured that the pharmacy was identical and the copay for my medicine would be the same. I had a 3 month supply on hand so I didn’t “investigate” the claim. Well, that wasn’t quite accurate. The company made a money saving move and changed the pharmacy portion. Anyway, to make a long story short….the copay for Gleevec was $20 per month before and now it is $1,000.00 per month. OOOOOPS!?!?! I cannot let these circumstances rule me but you would agree that I have to make a move to adjust accordingly. There is no gloom or doom in my mind. My heart isn’t heavy and it is no way going to bring me down. I have to admit that I get frustrated at times but quickly I’m reminded that not all of our frustrations and problem have to be worked out on this side of Heaven. I do have a serious request if you read this….please just pray about it. Pray that God’s will be done in my life and that I be provided with the situation or means so that I can be provided for. Simple enough, right? Just pray! No sympathy please, no “I’m sorry”, no “I feel for you”, no “I wish I could help”, nothing but prayer. Please, just pray for it to work out and while you’re at it…pray for yourself, pray for your loved ones, pray for those that don’t have it nearly as good as we have it. I’ll be praying for you….promise!

Chip

Where?

I think too often in life I wonder where I am. In the past six months I have experienced incredible challengs, yet again. Yes, I feel as though I’ve had enough of major events and challenges. I feel pushed to my extreme tolerances. Many of you know what the changes have been and some of you don’t. I didn’t want the changes but felt as though there had to be a change of some sort whether I knew it or not. I did the best I could at the time with what I felt I had to work with. Looking back I know I didn’t employ all the gifts that God has blessed me with. I wasn’t patient but at the same time I felt I was in survival mode. To this day I still feel like I’m in survival mode. A friend recently said that he feels as though I am a survivor. Well, if I wasn’t then I guess I wouldn’t be where I am today. Still surviving. It is often said that God doesn’t give us more than we can handle. Many times I have felt that it was my responsibility to handle it by myself. All the while there has been great and willing help available. Most importantly, God is there to help, to comfort, to guide, to lean on, to support and to lead me down the path I am on. My Mom gave me a pet FROG (Fully Rely On God) sometime ago and though I think about it when faced with a challenge it doesn’t always feel like it is part of the fabric that makes up who I am. Sure, I try to remember it. Most importantly NONE of us are perfect and we do things to ourselves that don’t help. I guess when we stop to think about what we’re thinking about and how we are dealing with the situation it compels us to act in a way that is consistent with God’s teachings. But how often do we really do that? How often do we Fully Rely On God? Probably not as often as we hope for because we get caught up in our emotions and moods about the situation. I think that rarely produces the best possible results we hope for. So what can we do about “where” we are? Taking the time to actually think about it and think about where we want to be is a good start. If we want to be peaceful then it makes sense to think about how you find peace in the situation. Seems simple but we are subject to a variety of factors including: how were we taught to deal with positives and negatives in our upbringing, what does our culture teach us about finding resolution and peace, how conscious are we of the situation or how do we manage our emotions and moods, do we have faith in our religion of choice that guides us, are we aware of the other parties involved, do we contemplate the final outcome, do we consider what the consequences are of what we are saying and doing and do we ultimately really and truly care? A lot to consider when we are wrapped up in the situation. So that leads me back to where I am. Where am I? I’m still fighting cancer, I’m still unemployed with great prospects for the future, I’m surrounded by inspirational and postivie people, I have belief that God has great things in store for me, I believe that I am to live a long life, I believe that there is hope for all resolution and conflict in life and it’s happenings, I believe in the power of God, I believe that often the answers we seek are simple and ultimately, I think we have to be patient, kind, loving, supportive, tolerant, understaning, comprising, willing to try and forgiving. I’m not saying we should bend with the wind as we need to have integrity but we do have to have open minds. Open to the possibilities for what God has in store for us in this life. This life is temporary. We can go at any time and have only the past to define us and many of us can still live a very very long life. So doesn’t it make sense to at least try to make the best of this life? I guess ultimately that is where I want to be and not always am. Like Peter, I am a work in progress….

lost in prayer…

some nights I lay in bed and pray for what seems to be hours….last night was one of those nights. I fell asleep praying then woke up prayed some and so on and so forth. I seem to just have one long perpetual conversation with God. I pray that God will bring peace to my life and to help me be a blessing to others. I pray that God will send me a woman that I can build a relationship with based on trust, love, mutual respect, shared interests, intellect and a mutual desire to have a relationship with God as a couple and as individuals. Anything else seems to be based on this world and God tells us not to be of this world. Not to be trapped by the desire for material possessions, not to be conformed to this world and it’s transgressions. It’s hard. I guess that’s why they call it the narrow path. I’ve also been praying for work. Work that is meaningful and done in glory to God. I’m patiently waiting for both. I used to pray for healing a lot and all the time. I’m not healed of Leukemia but it is in a controlled state. I often think about stories of how people have prayed that God shrink a tumor and the next day it’s gone. That really can’t be done with mine because it all happens on a microscopic level and the test to determine that state of the disease takes two weeks to perform. So, I think to myself…..self, if God wants me to stop taking the medicine and wants to heal me then God will let me know. I pray for family and friends to be happy, protected, healthy and to know God. I pray for people with addictions that are missing life because of their afflictions. I pray for guidance and wisdom. My two year anniversary is coming up in about 3 months. I’ve been thinking about that lately. In the time before Gleevec and bone marrow transplants there were only miracles and 3-5 years to live. It’s hard to imagine what it would be like if the two year anniversary was possibly the 2/3 mark in the rest of my life. I feel so much for those people that get those diagnosis of only a few months to live. What about the people that get 6 months and make it two weeks? You just never know when it’s your time. All the more reason that we must make the most of the time that we have now. Make the most by having a passion for life. A passion to live each precious moment that we’re given to live. Mortality is a funny thing. So often we can’t wait until the day is over so we can start tomorrow to only do the same thing again. All the while many of us are going to Heaven and yet we won’t take a few simple necessary steps to make our time on this Earth good. We each have our own seperate path in life to walk and we never know where it’s leading us….thankfully, I’m going to Heaven. But not before it’s my time!

Return

Talk about being an absentee landlord! I haven’t posted since February 7th.
Well, life has been turned upside down and inside out several times since then. On February 23rd I was laid off and was in a bad car wreck….all in the same day! Started recovering from the wreck and got a bad chest cold that has hung around for about a month. Almost healed up good now. Then today I was hiking, slipped on a log and all body weight fell on the back of my leg on the log…OUCH! Laying on a heating pad now as I write. Where have the blessings been? Of course you knew I was going to talk about that! As always, an awesome loving family and many friends are a daily blessing. Went to St. Croix with my brother Rex and had a great time! I’ll add some pics later. Facebook makes interaction so very easy that I forget about the blog sometimes. Anyway, the majority of my pictures are there. I’ve been spending a great deal of time at Kanawha State Forest hiking and mtn biking with new friends as Spring has sprung (74 here today!). Have had some opportunities to visit with family I haven’t seen in a while and learning some new lessons about life.
There have been some difficult things on my mind lately and I haven’t been real sure what to say about them. I’m seeing a disturbing trend and I really and truly hope it’s just because Spring hasn’t bloomed yet. I sense a lot of depression around lately. I don’t know if it’s winter leftovers, the economy, illness or what. Just a lot of stress and anxiety. I felt it myself through the loss of the job, car wreck and illness. It was a real struggle at times to stay positive. But, this too has passed.
I believe I’ll be working again very soon. I’m looking forward to it but honestly I’ve enjoyed the time off. Oh, another blessing….I bought my very first computer yesterday. Yes, for the past 13 years I’ve always had company laptops/computers and now I have my very own. Bought a MacBook and I must say I LOVE IT! I plan on being back on a regular posting schedule and hopefully will have some good material. It’s like not riding a bike in a long time….at first a little shaky and then full speed ahead.
God Bless,
Chip
PS-think one positive thought before leaving this page….please.

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