mountain air

As usual, I’m the first one up. I’m in Tucker County this weekend at a friends cabin and it is simply incredible up here. The mountain air is always refreshing! We arrived late Thursday evening and it feels like this is the first time we haven’t been off doing something. Appropriately no since no one is up! Started the day off yesterday with one of my favorite pasttime activities. Cooking breakfast for everyone. Made our way into Parsons, WV to check out the local proprietors and their offerings. Interesting to say the least. You know you’re in a country town when they sell canned corn in the bait section of a store where you can buy guns and plastic flowers.

Met a friend for lunch and then off to the Dry Fork of the Cheat River for some trout fishing. Caught a smallmouth bass, a trout got away and then landed a fat 17″ Rainbow. THAT was good eats last night! Shot guns for awhile and then Smores and fireworks! Today, we’re heading out for some canoeing and fishing.

new

Since my last post I had the opportunity to hike the Appalachian Trail in North Carolina some and let me just say that it gave me goose bumps! The first step was exhilarating and it just got better from there! After leaving NC I spent two nights in Charleston and then was off to Weston for two days of boating/fishing on Stonewall Jackson Lake. That place defines serenity for me. From there I met Uncle Tom, Cousin Tommy, Carly, Amber and Laurel @ the Laurel Fork Campground in the Monongahela National Forest for trout fishing, hiking and mountain biking. What a great time! Again, another place of serenity. There’s nothing like the feeling of being deep, I mean real deep in the woods with no one around for miles! Pics coming soon….honestly, I post most of my pics on my Facebook account and have neglected uploading them here. Not to worry, they’re coming soon. From there I made my way to Wheeling to spend some quality time with Brent, Cheri and baby Lily. Bless her precious heart she’s warming up to me. I really miss Wheeling. On Saturday we boarded a bus for the Dave Matthews Band concert and had a blast amongst the blasted people! On Sunday I did the usual….made a stop in Fairmont to see KC Carlson & family & Chris Bostic. The thing about fraternity brothers is that they will always always be my very best friends. Stopped in Weston to see the Shreves, again. Of course there was good quality time with baby Brody. That boy has my heart. Finally got back in Charleston about 9:30p and started a new week. Brought back some great memories and some cool rocks for Tab. It was only a few days ago but it seems like a lifetime. So much has happened. Unfortunately, it has been 95% trials since I got back. Sometimes I wonder if Charleston is really the place I’m supposed to be but I have to trust God that He will open and close the doors for the path He has for me. If you would please, some extra prayers for my health and for my family would REALLY be appreciated! A few major blessings: the Gleevec finally arrived in Charleston, some dear friends with big brains and hearts provide solice in trials have been there and knowing that loved ones are safe. I know God will see me through my health concerns and our family challenges. He has always provided for our needs and will continue to do so because we put complete faith in Him and that our/your prayers will be answered. Until the next great adventure or blessing to share…..

Chip

Wow! I love nature!

I saw one of the most amazing things this morning. First let me set it up. Yesterday I drove down from WV to my Aunt’s home in the mountains of Western North Carolina. Franklin to be exact. It’s been since about 1980 since I was last here. Anyway, I offered to water some of her plants as it was predicted to be a hot, dry day. I started with this large Lilac bush by the corner of the house. The bush is about 6 ft tall and 5 ft wide with large branches coming straight up from the ground. I pointed the hose about two feet up from the bottom and the stream hadn’t been going but about 30 seconds when out of the corner of my eye I saw a hummingbird swoop in on a side branch horizontal from where I was spraying. It was a female and I know this because her tiny body was covered with green feathers that shimmered in the sunlight. Anyway, she began to flap and flutter her wings in the mist and spray that was originating from the hose. At first I was just shocked because she wasn’t anymore than 4 feet from the hose. Once I realized she was bathing I became transfixed as she fluttered about and kept hopping back and forth so that the mist was catching her on her back, breast and sides. I still remember feeling the smile on my face while watching her immerse herself in a mid-morning bath on an already hot day. This went on for a good 3 or 4 minutes. I would move the stream closer to her and she would flutter with more exuberance until hopping to another branch until returning for another dousing. You can imagine my amazement while bringing such joy to one of God’s creatures. Eventually she moved to branch high in the bush and fluttered about until she was dry enough to fly again. She looked magnificent! I could sense her joy and excitement in being clean. She perched there for a moment, motionless, facing me and I could feel her gaze upon me. I smiled, said, “your welcome!” and wished her a good day. She flew off to the nearby feeder for few moments and then disappeared into the woods.
What really amazed me is that I was blessed to have that few moments of the day with her. We often see God’s blessings, if we’re paying attention, and one of my favorites is interacting with animals and nature. I hope you take the time to interact with nature. You may be surprised at what God has in store for you…..

where it starts and where it ends

Sometimes when I have a trial in life I am lucky enough to see it end. Not all trials we have on earth will be worked out before going to heaven (if you’re going). When reflecting back on trials I try to understand where and why it began. Most of the time I can point to an imbalance of some kind and in the natural order of our planet and biology there is always a result of some kind to have a balance. Whether good or bad. In looking back over the past 7 years I’ve seen how trials of all kinds have come and gone. Some without so much as even a breath of air was wasted on them and some that lasted for extended periods of time. I can say with complete humbleness and sorrow that I’ve handled many trials in ways that make it difficult to say I’m a christian. I’m not perfect. I’m always a work in progress (as I am trying to improve). Some trials I’ve handled so very very well and can point to how God has given me courage, strength, patience and love to see them through. I guess what really matters is that I learn from the trial and avoid making the same mistake again. Even though history has a tendency to repeat itself I am working to buck the trend. I guess the saying, “what doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger” originates from this very topic. One thing I will say is that not all trials are bad. Some just seem bad but it’s really open to interpretation. Like many things in life….it’s open to interpretation. One person’s perspective may be VERY different from another persons. That’s why we hear, “there are two sides to every story.” Lately I’ve been hearing different interpretations of stories dating back over 7 years ago. All I can say is that when you hear a story remember that you may not be getting the whole story. So back to where it starts and where it ends. If I’m lucky enough to see the trial through then I guess it will make me stronger. Either way, I’m blessed to be alive. I’m blessed to have so many caring and kind people who support, understand, appreciate and are true friends to me. I think I do a pretty good job of being a blessing in return and am promising myself to make sure I affirm how much you all mean to me. I can never say thank you enough.

In the spirit of peace and happiness,

Chip

automatic

Sometimes when life is sooooo good and so full of blessings everything seems to be on automatic. Life feels so effortless at these times. I’m not about to say it doesn’t feel fair but when you’ve been in the wilderness and darkness for soooo long it is such a dramatic change it doesn’t always feel real. But I know it is real. I know it’s real because it is all founded in the belief that God has been and will continue to bless me. I hadn’t really considered it before but someone very dear to me said, “I thank God for the blessings that He is going to bestow upon me.” That’s just another reason to have hope isn’t it? Knowing that God is going to continue to bless you. Wow.

Something else that is becoming an automatic is the BCR/ABL or DNA reports as I call them. The one from April came back a few weeks ago and it is still showing zero traces of CML. Just another blessing…see why it’s hard to lose count? Of course you do! Being in the wilderness, darkness or going through a trial is something we are all bound to do. It’s inevitable, it’s unavoidable and it’s just part of life. What we do in the wilderness or trial is what really defines who we are and tests are faith. We know we cannot put our full and complete trust in man or things in this world. No one can live up to perfection….at least on this earth. I seem to be learning over and over and over about trusting God to take upon the yoke of burdens and just flat out trust him. SOOOOOOO hard to do when we have our own will to fight us the whole way. Well, just you reading this is a blessing cause I know you care and I hope you know that I care about you too. Also, I’ve always got time to pray for you…no matter how small or big it may be. Just share it with me……let me know you’re ok. Let me know how you’re doing. All comments to the blog have to be approved by me so put your prayer request in, I’ll pray for it and delete it. Never to be posted. You have my word on it.

Belated

Yesterday was Dad’s birthday. I think he would have been 78. In 1993 he went to heaven in a very peaceful way. I remember very vividly how I got the news. I was home alone sitting in the “captain’s chair” at my apartment. I was in school at Fairmont State and surprisingly enough was not out with my fraternity brothers partying like there was no tomorrow or doing community service work. Anyway, it had been a very quiet and peaceful evening. I had spent most of it just reading and relaxing. I remember that I sensed something was out of place but just ignored it. Then my Aunt Nancy called around 2am. I can still remember the sensation when the phone rang, the chilled dreadful feeling that came over my body and then looking at the phone and thinking, “this is not going to be good.” Well, you know what the call was…..Dad passed away. It was a long trip to Springfield, IL. Plenty of time to think and remember. One thing that stuck with me was what a great Christmas we just had. After years of poor communication and problems we were finally beginning to communicate well and there was a sense of reconciliation and forgiveness between us. It really was a father and son trying to start over and rebuild a relationship after years and years of misunderstanding and incomplete thoughts and feelings.  I really felt tremendous peace between us. I also remember thinking that his time may be at an end soon. His light had dimmed, his face wore signs of physical stress and his presence was fading. He was still full of love, happiness and laughter but I could tell something was wrong.

The funeral was held in Camp Butler in Springfield. It was a cold February day with a mix of rain, snow and heavy wind. Sitting here now I’m looking at his burial flag on the wall which is encased with three of the shells from his 21 gun salute. The shots ringing out add a tremendous “finality” to the funeral. I can still feel the cold brisk wind and being pelted with big rain drops and with the random big snow flake making thud noises on my coat.  I haven’t been back since. It would be nice to travel out there again to visit his grave, see Arlene and visit his still vivacious sister Corrine who is still a teenager in an 83 year old woman’s body.

It took a long time to grieve the loss of Him. There are several friends who read this blog that knew me then and can still only shake their head in amazement when reflecting how I finally dealt with it. Let’s just say it wasn’t exactly the most healthy thing. Anyway, it took a very very long time and I hadn’t really and truly made amends with him until this past Christmas. 15 years is a long time to carry something like that around. There are many many people in this world that carry things their entire lives without resolution. I guess that’s why they say that not everything (trials) get worked out on this side of Heaven. I’m just happy to know that they will be worked out eventually. Well, Happy Belated Birthday Dad! I love you, miss you and know you are watching from above. I’m proud to be who I am and what impact you had on me to be the man that I am now. I look forward to reuniting with you in Heaven. Hopefully it will be after I live a long fruitful life myself.

Your Loving Son,

Chip

Impressive

I have been told that it is hard to impress me. I suspect that comes from having such high standards of myself and others. Well, God is teaching me that even the simplest blessings in life are impressive. It feels like a dichotomy though because our society and culture has SOOOO many unimpressive attributes. But! The impressive attributes are astounding!!! Ann Marie invited me to attend church with her Sunday evening and I must say that I was impressed! I admire and respect her relationship with God but it’s the church I was impressed with…..I’ve always known that Maranatha Fellowship Church was a great church and very filled with the spirit. In my family it is common to raise hands or reach out for God. That hasn’t been so with me! I’ve tried here and there but never really felt comfortable. That is until Sunday night! I raised my hands high and I felt God’s presence in me and definitely in the church. Powerful experience and a very moving one. Anyway, it is evident at Maranatha that the people are serious about their relationship with God and very filled with the spirit of God. It was very comfortable, it was a new experience. A very good one at that.  I guess what I’m getting at is this…..when we slough off the shackles of every day living in this world and truly try to connect to God we can see and feel things in a new and different way. We can experience our relationship with God beyond a conversation. We can actually engage in the Holy Spirit which is a very powerful experience and quite honestly it can be a bit scary. What is most important (at least I think so) is that we trust God and work to have a relationship with Him on all levels. Not just the ones that we are “comfortable” with or in. I know the relationship with God is subject to the individual and all I’m saying is that going to Maranatha on Sunday night opened my eyes and my heart even further for God. What else was impressive? The sermon. The sermon was led by a young man named BJ. Wow! That young man has a gift and we were blessed to receive it. I sent a message to the church requesting a copy of it so if I get one I’ll post it here on the blog. With that I leave you with the following requests: praise God, walk with God, trust God, receive and be thankful for His blessings and work daily to have “your” relationship with our God and Savior.

Chip

Other people

Seems like lately I’m really learning a lot from other people. I’ve begun to really notice the kindness in people. We often walk through life blind to what really exists inside other people. If you listen carefully, if you tune into to them and stop thinking and just listen you will learn amazing things. Just in the past two weeks I feel like I have really connected to people with big hearts. But it’s not just a big heart. A big heart is useless if you don’t share it with others, if you don’t let it drive your passions, if you keep it to yourself. Some of the people I have the most respect for have big hearts, real big brains and low tolerance for crap. I dig that. I really dig that! I think I know people with HUGE hearts and several of them keep it to themselves, they misinterpret it, they don’t know what to do with it. I think that is common. I know I’ve suffered from that before. For as long as I can remember I liked to give to people and give back to the community. Even through the wildest times in college our fraternity, Sigma Tau Gamma, was focused on community service. And now we have a generation of young adults entering the workforce with big hearts and a desire to make the world a better place. A large part of community service is driven by faith based organizations. Many people don’t like to “mix” religion in with the community service efforts because we don’t want to upset anyone. Funny because it always seems like it’s the people that don’t have faith or religion that are upset about this. Ironic don’t ya’ think? Even more interesting that many of the foundations of our culture come from the Bible like: don’t kill, don’t steal, don’t lie, don’t covet, etc. But many people don’t know that it came from the Bible. They think it was just some scholarly chaps back in the 1700’s drawing up neat idea that stuck. Often people stick to what they’re comfortable with which is often a warm fuzzy feeling with no real substance. I think we all are in the “place” at times. It’s the people that live there that are suffering. Sounds judgemental I’m sure to some people….tough, it’s my blog. Besides I’m filitering through the expectation God has of me to share my interpretations of life. Everyone has them, some are just much more powerful than others. Just ask those that interpret a quality life by knowing Jesus to those that are completely self-reliant, arrogant and don’t need anyone’s help because “they can handle it”. Didn’t work for me…..but that’s just me.

Unconditional

I have learned some invaluable lessons about loving others unconditionally over the past few years. I think I have lived the majority of my life being determined, being driven, being self-righteous, being focused on self and filtering my understanding of life through my experiences and interpretations of it. That doesn’t mean that I haven’t been kind or loving. It just means that I recognize that I most often lived life on my own terms. No, I’m not being hard on myself. I just recognize the breakdowns. Everything happens for a reason.

I believe we are in perpetual evolution and hopefully it is in an effort to become better people. Why are older people so wise? Because they have learned from their mistakes and hopefully evolved into better people. I work to bring out the best in people but don’t always do so. Not to control or manipulate….but to bring out the best that I see in people. That isn’t necessarily fair to others if it is not communicated appropriately. I don’t want to be perfect but I do want to accept and love others unconditionally. I have to work at it daily. Trusting the heart and instincts while practicing self-control is tough to do when what you filter life through is clogged. I think it’s also very important to respect the individuality of others and not push them unless they want pushed. We cannot live successful lives as lone wolves (as I interpret it) without good help from other people. Help has to be offered and accepted. If not, the breakdown starts there. I am working to filter everything through God first and trust Him.

Have a blessed day!

Chip

Trust

There have been many accounts in the past few years where I have had to absolutely trust God and thankfully, He always delivers. It may not always be in the way that I wanted or anticipated but He always delivers. I can think of MANY occasions in which I have asserted my own will only to be disappointed at the outcome. Go figure!!!  It is our human nature and free will that drives us in this way. I suspect that folks with some or even no religious practices might agree.  That’s for them to say as it is their own free will to make an assessment. Point is that sometimes we just need to relax and not force our will upon this life. I have found that when I am trying to force my will I have been less than inspirational which is not a common thread in cancer survivors. It is often said of cancer survivors that you should be prepared to be inspired. I have been humbled by the multitude of compliments for being inspirational. I can assure you there have been MANY times that I haven’t felt or been inspirational to others. Yes, I’m human and at the same time I feel responsible for my own actions and the outcome it has upon others. A friend recently told me that they were just doing what they were led to do. What a concept!!! Doing what we are designed to do in this life. I find it moving to think about people using their gifts to make a difference in the lives of others. Lately, I’ve been especially blessed to be in the company of these people and it is INSPIRATIONAL! Well, enough rambling. The point I wanted to make was that God delivered an answer to prayers that the Gleevec situation be resolved. He delivered several angels and they have collaborated to bring forth the solution. Thank you for your prayers!!

God Bless,

Chip

Circumstances

Appropriately enough we’ve been studying Peter in church lately. He really loved Christ and at the same time he seemed to be what our culture stereotypes as a real screw up with a big heart. I think I can relate to that at times. I love God and boy do I make big mistakes. We all do but we can’t let it rule us. Hence the title, “Circumstances”. Often we let our circumstances rule our lives instead of having faith in God and trusting His will for our lives. Why am I writing about circumstances you ask? Well, I thought I was reaching a clearing or coming out of a very challenging and difficult time with a clear and open path so that I could just enjoy life. You know, a reprieve from the challenges even if it was only for a short time. Well, I’m on the verge of signing a contract and entering into an agreement that many would say is the “perfect” employment for me. However, when I went from my previous health plan to the new one in Januray I was assured that the pharmacy was identical and the copay for my medicine would be the same. I had a 3 month supply on hand so I didn’t “investigate” the claim. Well, that wasn’t quite accurate. The company made a money saving move and changed the pharmacy portion. Anyway, to make a long story short….the copay for Gleevec was $20 per month before and now it is $1,000.00 per month. OOOOOPS!?!?! I cannot let these circumstances rule me but you would agree that I have to make a move to adjust accordingly. There is no gloom or doom in my mind. My heart isn’t heavy and it is no way going to bring me down. I have to admit that I get frustrated at times but quickly I’m reminded that not all of our frustrations and problem have to be worked out on this side of Heaven. I do have a serious request if you read this….please just pray about it. Pray that God’s will be done in my life and that I be provided with the situation or means so that I can be provided for. Simple enough, right? Just pray! No sympathy please, no “I’m sorry”, no “I feel for you”, no “I wish I could help”, nothing but prayer. Please, just pray for it to work out and while you’re at it…pray for yourself, pray for your loved ones, pray for those that don’t have it nearly as good as we have it. I’ll be praying for you….promise!

Chip

Where?

I think too often in life I wonder where I am. In the past six months I have experienced incredible challengs, yet again. Yes, I feel as though I’ve had enough of major events and challenges. I feel pushed to my extreme tolerances. Many of you know what the changes have been and some of you don’t. I didn’t want the changes but felt as though there had to be a change of some sort whether I knew it or not. I did the best I could at the time with what I felt I had to work with. Looking back I know I didn’t employ all the gifts that God has blessed me with. I wasn’t patient but at the same time I felt I was in survival mode. To this day I still feel like I’m in survival mode. A friend recently said that he feels as though I am a survivor. Well, if I wasn’t then I guess I wouldn’t be where I am today. Still surviving. It is often said that God doesn’t give us more than we can handle. Many times I have felt that it was my responsibility to handle it by myself. All the while there has been great and willing help available. Most importantly, God is there to help, to comfort, to guide, to lean on, to support and to lead me down the path I am on. My Mom gave me a pet FROG (Fully Rely On God) sometime ago and though I think about it when faced with a challenge it doesn’t always feel like it is part of the fabric that makes up who I am. Sure, I try to remember it. Most importantly NONE of us are perfect and we do things to ourselves that don’t help. I guess when we stop to think about what we’re thinking about and how we are dealing with the situation it compels us to act in a way that is consistent with God’s teachings. But how often do we really do that? How often do we Fully Rely On God? Probably not as often as we hope for because we get caught up in our emotions and moods about the situation. I think that rarely produces the best possible results we hope for. So what can we do about “where” we are? Taking the time to actually think about it and think about where we want to be is a good start. If we want to be peaceful then it makes sense to think about how you find peace in the situation. Seems simple but we are subject to a variety of factors including: how were we taught to deal with positives and negatives in our upbringing, what does our culture teach us about finding resolution and peace, how conscious are we of the situation or how do we manage our emotions and moods, do we have faith in our religion of choice that guides us, are we aware of the other parties involved, do we contemplate the final outcome, do we consider what the consequences are of what we are saying and doing and do we ultimately really and truly care? A lot to consider when we are wrapped up in the situation. So that leads me back to where I am. Where am I? I’m still fighting cancer, I’m still unemployed with great prospects for the future, I’m surrounded by inspirational and postivie people, I have belief that God has great things in store for me, I believe that I am to live a long life, I believe that there is hope for all resolution and conflict in life and it’s happenings, I believe in the power of God, I believe that often the answers we seek are simple and ultimately, I think we have to be patient, kind, loving, supportive, tolerant, understaning, comprising, willing to try and forgiving. I’m not saying we should bend with the wind as we need to have integrity but we do have to have open minds. Open to the possibilities for what God has in store for us in this life. This life is temporary. We can go at any time and have only the past to define us and many of us can still live a very very long life. So doesn’t it make sense to at least try to make the best of this life? I guess ultimately that is where I want to be and not always am. Like Peter, I am a work in progress….

lost in prayer…

some nights I lay in bed and pray for what seems to be hours….last night was one of those nights. I fell asleep praying then woke up prayed some and so on and so forth. I seem to just have one long perpetual conversation with God. I pray that God will bring peace to my life and to help me be a blessing to others. I pray that God will send me a woman that I can build a relationship with based on trust, love, mutual respect, shared interests, intellect and a mutual desire to have a relationship with God as a couple and as individuals. Anything else seems to be based on this world and God tells us not to be of this world. Not to be trapped by the desire for material possessions, not to be conformed to this world and it’s transgressions. It’s hard. I guess that’s why they call it the narrow path. I’ve also been praying for work. Work that is meaningful and done in glory to God. I’m patiently waiting for both. I used to pray for healing a lot and all the time. I’m not healed of Leukemia but it is in a controlled state. I often think about stories of how people have prayed that God shrink a tumor and the next day it’s gone. That really can’t be done with mine because it all happens on a microscopic level and the test to determine that state of the disease takes two weeks to perform. So, I think to myself…..self, if God wants me to stop taking the medicine and wants to heal me then God will let me know. I pray for family and friends to be happy, protected, healthy and to know God. I pray for people with addictions that are missing life because of their afflictions. I pray for guidance and wisdom. My two year anniversary is coming up in about 3 months. I’ve been thinking about that lately. In the time before Gleevec and bone marrow transplants there were only miracles and 3-5 years to live. It’s hard to imagine what it would be like if the two year anniversary was possibly the 2/3 mark in the rest of my life. I feel so much for those people that get those diagnosis of only a few months to live. What about the people that get 6 months and make it two weeks? You just never know when it’s your time. All the more reason that we must make the most of the time that we have now. Make the most by having a passion for life. A passion to live each precious moment that we’re given to live. Mortality is a funny thing. So often we can’t wait until the day is over so we can start tomorrow to only do the same thing again. All the while many of us are going to Heaven and yet we won’t take a few simple necessary steps to make our time on this Earth good. We each have our own seperate path in life to walk and we never know where it’s leading us….thankfully, I’m going to Heaven. But not before it’s my time!

Return

Talk about being an absentee landlord! I haven’t posted since February 7th.
Well, life has been turned upside down and inside out several times since then. On February 23rd I was laid off and was in a bad car wreck….all in the same day! Started recovering from the wreck and got a bad chest cold that has hung around for about a month. Almost healed up good now. Then today I was hiking, slipped on a log and all body weight fell on the back of my leg on the log…OUCH! Laying on a heating pad now as I write. Where have the blessings been? Of course you knew I was going to talk about that! As always, an awesome loving family and many friends are a daily blessing. Went to St. Croix with my brother Rex and had a great time! I’ll add some pics later. Facebook makes interaction so very easy that I forget about the blog sometimes. Anyway, the majority of my pictures are there. I’ve been spending a great deal of time at Kanawha State Forest hiking and mtn biking with new friends as Spring has sprung (74 here today!). Have had some opportunities to visit with family I haven’t seen in a while and learning some new lessons about life.
There have been some difficult things on my mind lately and I haven’t been real sure what to say about them. I’m seeing a disturbing trend and I really and truly hope it’s just because Spring hasn’t bloomed yet. I sense a lot of depression around lately. I don’t know if it’s winter leftovers, the economy, illness or what. Just a lot of stress and anxiety. I felt it myself through the loss of the job, car wreck and illness. It was a real struggle at times to stay positive. But, this too has passed.
I believe I’ll be working again very soon. I’m looking forward to it but honestly I’ve enjoyed the time off. Oh, another blessing….I bought my very first computer yesterday. Yes, for the past 13 years I’ve always had company laptops/computers and now I have my very own. Bought a MacBook and I must say I LOVE IT! I plan on being back on a regular posting schedule and hopefully will have some good material. It’s like not riding a bike in a long time….at first a little shaky and then full speed ahead.
God Bless,
Chip
PS-think one positive thought before leaving this page….please.

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Finishing the thought

In my last post I talked about fear being a farce. I don’t know of anyone that completely escapes fear. Sometimes we live an entire lifetime fearing some things. I doubt I will overcome all fear in my life. My last post was written out of a conversation with myself about fear. Sounds like I can have some tough conversations with myself doesn’t it? Well, I do. Sometimes I have to have a tough love conversation with myself to overcome a challenge or difficulty.  Sometimes my passion or intense desire to seek resolution or peace can be a bit strong. It’s that strength and desire to not suffer is what drives me to be so forward.  I have friends and loved ones that have to take prescription drugs and it improves their quality of life. I find that I’m most at peace when I pray and meditate about a fear or challenge but the reality is that I’m human and take it upon myself instead of turning the problem over to God. There have been times in my life when I’ve had to seek medical help for anxiety.

Prescription drugs for a serotonin imbalance are not a farce. Sometimes we need these things to help us. The point I was trying to make was based on stories that I hear and have read about people relying solely on the drug. Relying only on the drug and then doing nothing else about it but still complaining is where I see people suffering. I feel as though if we are to overcome challenges we have to have to choose to do the right thing for ourselves. It just seems that our society is often complaining about problems, getting a pill to help and doing nothing beyond that. No counseling, no change in diet, nothing to help ourselves. We’re not perfect. There was only one person that walked this Earth that was perfect and that person got angry, that person had fear, that person also fully relied upon God and still experienced things that we still experience over 2,000 years later. It was Jesus Christ…the savior of the world.  So when you suffer please remember that you are not alone. You have friend and family that love you, a God that wants you to be happy and have inner peace. That happiness and inner peace is attainable through a very close walk with God. That’s something I strive for and so very often fall short of but I know he forgives me and loves me and someday I will join him in Heaven. So please don’t suffer, get medicine if you need it. Talk to a counselor, rely on family, rely on friends and fight for your happiness. Fight for a better life….look in the mirror and tell yourself you deserve to be happy and you’re going to do something about it. If I can ever be help to you please let me know as I want you to be happy.

With Love,

Chip

Farce!

Fear is a farce. Everyday I’m faced with the biggest fear known to man, mortality. If you would have asked me a year ago if there would ever be a time when I would wake up and not be in fear of losing the battle with cancer I would have said, “I don’t know or probably not.” Wanting to live and fighting to live are separate from fearing for your life. I’ve been fighting this thing for some time and many times it has been a fight in fear. So why is fear a farce? It’s a farce because it keeps us from living. If you are in fear you are not living! Fear is weakness, fear is giving up on a good life, fear is refusing to accept the blessings you have in life, fear is taught to us because the world says we have to be something we’re not, the world says we’re not good enough but if you buy this car you will be. Horse poo! If you are in fear over small things then you are stressing your heart and mind for nothing. Fear over small things is out of balance with the universe. If you think fear over these things then you are welcoming and inviting negative energy into to your life. I watch and observe as people post their fears on Facebook, MySpace, Twitter, Blogs etc. and wonder how much of life they are missing because they are living in the farce. Don’t get me wrong…if you have a legitimate reason to have fear then it’s natural to be in fear. I’m talking about the whiners who think life is unfair or tough cause they’re not getting they’re way. What really shocks me is that so many people with illegitimate fears have turned to modern medicine for a pill to cure their fear. Imagine how broke the pharmaceutical companies would be if all those people said, “I’m going to grow up, be an adult and face my fears!” Can you even imagine what a spiritual awakening that would be in America? So why don’t I live in fear? Cause Jesus Christ is my savior and I am going to Heaven. What else is there? If you do not live of this world then you do not live for possessions and the things by which MAN says we live for. I know I come across strong but I’m passionate about living and I get tired of hearing people complain about how much better life would be if ________________. Quit complaining and start living! Sheesh….if I can live with cancer can’t you live with snow, ice, cold, disobedient children, selfish partners, difficult bosses, angry customers, small paychecks and small problems? Stop being so selfish and give to others, seek to be a blessing to others and God will bless you. I want to say “I’m sorry” for ranting but I’m not perfect and I get impatient and expect more out of life and more out of people than…I’m scared, I can’t, I don’t want to accept responsibility for my actions, I don’t want to show love to people, I’m sad. Get over it!

With Love,

Chip

an end

I’ve been so far in so many ways since my last post. I’ve driven over 2,000 miles and have been at the far reaches of the lost and found of life. Work has been consuming most of my time and energy. Well, that and Facebook which seems to be the only vice I can have anymore. Thankfully I have a little bit of time to relax and be more at  peace this week, kinda.

I’m changing the subject but my mind is on things that I want to understand but they’re not meant to be understood. A personality trait of mine, if you didn’t already know, is that I can be very analytical….about many things. Many wouldn’t guess that because of the amount of time I spend hiking and just being in peaceful places.  Well, because I spend so much time scanning and analyzing I need time in the forest to detach. I don’t know what the point is….I guess I just feel obligated to post since I’ve been neglecting it. Often I think of topics I want to write about during the day but by the time I’m in a place  I can write the day is over and I’m closer to sleep then sharing anything of value through the blog. So how about this….DNA tests came back today and I’m still showing cancer free. I guess that’s all I can really say of value. That and God Bless James and Patti, Noah, Brad and Heidi, Beverly, Ted and all the others that made my trips to NC and SC even more enjoyable. Thank you!!

Posture

It’s not easy public professing being a Christian. At times I’ve hesitated to publicly proclaim it because it is so easy to be afraid of the persecution. If you slip there are people just waiting to to take note and tell others.  Slipping is the hardest thing because it is so easy to feel guilty. I know I’m not perfect, I know I’ve made mistakes and I know I will make even more mistakes. I’ve hurt peoples feelings and I’ve lifted people up and made them feel better about them or there situation. I try very hard to live the way God wants me to live this life. I try to be patient, to wait, to be slow to anger, to be a blessing to others, to fight the battle within my own mind when things are difficult/trying. I don’t claim to know it all, I don’t claim to have all the answers and I ask God for forgiveness when I sin. I try to be good to people and hope I can be treated the same but that isn’t always the case. I’m a Christian that suffers at times just as everyone does. I turn to my faith for support. I turn to my friends and family when things are difficult. Some days are easy and some are just a struggle from the time the alarm goes off. Yesterday was that kind of day and it seems that I may still be holding on to it. Not because I want to but because I’m human. Hey, things happen and you have to move on. People move in and out of your life. Sometimes you have to accept the fact that no matter how nice and charming and caring you are, people will decline your offer. Sometimes you have to accept their decline and move on. Just move on. That’s very easy for some people. They can just shut it down and move on. The funny thing about it is how I see myself still holding on to the “old” Chip. Turning it all over to God is not easy because we get adapted to the “worldly or earthly” side of life and try to manage things or our agendas by our own means. If we conform to worldly ways then we ultimately lose our spiritual path. I’m sure you’ve heard it said that “everything happens for a reason”. If you subscribe to that then doesn’t it make sense to just let things happen instead of forcing your agenda or what you want? My posture is that I’m here to live life to it’s fullest, to let my passion for life flow and to be who God intends me to be. To do that is to “let go”. It’s a fight. A daily fight. A fight (or having to wait) may last a very long time as it did for Abraham (19 years altogether),  maybe  just until tomorrow,  or it may be until my last breath. All I know is that I’m willing to wait or fight or whatever God wants me to do. I will not give up and I do believe just as Jeremiah 29:11 says: For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Funeral

This man dies a quiet death. His family and friends would say that he had a good life despite what seemed to be an unsettled spirit within him at times. He was well liked, at times very inspirational, helpful to others, kind and well intentioned. The list of his contributions to society was not stellar but it was, again, well intentioned. Those that knew him the best would say that his death was inevitable, though everyone’s is, they would say they saw it coming. So, you get the picture. A good guy by earthly measures and standards. The part of the story that will come as a shock to you is that NO ONE comes to his funeral. There is no grieving, no procession, no ceremony, no wake, no burial, no cremation, no condolences, no crying,  no dinner and actually, no funeral. Nothing! No obituary…nothing. He just died a quiet peaceful death. So why did this man die without notice or event?

Because he didn’t die a physcial death. His death was of an old life and of an earthly life. It’s not a death as we know it but a “white funeral”. Huh? No one enters into the experience of entire sanctification without going through a “white funeral” – the burial of the old life.  If there has never been this crisis of death, sanctification is nothing more than a vision. There must be a death of the old life and the appropriate “white funeral” to accompany it. The “white funeral” has to occur out of the death and there is only one resurrection – a resurrection into the life of Jesus Christ. It has a singular purpose..to serve God. Not the will of an earthly life.

How many times have you flirted with a death of the old life? Walked around the cemetary, looked at your hole in the ground  but never could take your place in the cemetary? In order to have the “white funeral” we have to surrender and submit. Sl0ugh off the earthly ways and desires. To slough off the anxieties, fears, addictions, anger, resentment and other garbage is a BIG change and a leap of faith into eternity. I tell you I am ready to make this agreement with God. I agree with him that this is my last day on this earth and I share my “white funeral” with you as a testament that I can no longer manage  my earthly life. I have to submit and surrender permanently to God. The agreement comes now and you that read this are my the attendees at my “white funeral”. Yes, this is a big public proclamation as anyone with an internet connection and the ability to read english has the ability to persecute me. Of all the days in my life this one has the most significance to date because in a quiet hotel room in Columbia, SC I have surrendered to God completely. Please don’t send flowers…sing praises and if you want to sing a song…sing Amazing Grace and join me.

20K

A pretty cool thing happened lately and it completely slipped by w/o notice. Why? Because I’ve become a little too focused on Facebook mobile. Once I loaded it to the Blackberry it was over! Updates, mobile photo uploads, microstatements about life, commenting on others, catching up with even more people. Wow!!! Been a little overwhelming. It took away from one of the most therapeutic things I have…posting on the blog. Facebook has been a blessing though. I can engage people quickly and share my thoughts, be encouraging, let people know they are an inspiration and, of course, a little ribbing here and there just cause I’m good at it. What’s amazing to me is that it is so easy to be an inspiration as well as be inspired. I can’t imagine I’m the first to do it but I actually had TWO opportunities to witness to people yesterday via Facebook. How amazing is that? Amazing to me considering what a struggle it is to be inspiring at times. I think that God has blessed me with it and I feel compelled to shout to the world that there is a good life to be led and everyone, as children of God, can have it to. I just feel it flowing through me. Of all the garbage that has been a part of my past I finally am beginning to understand the inner peace from knowing Jesus. So, have you forgotten about the cool thing that happened? Not surprising if you did. The blog officially passed 20,000 page visits from it’s inception. Guess all that rambling I’ve been doing over the past 18+ months has been worth reading. I keep hearing that I need to write a book about this experience. How do you write a book about surviving cancer when every day is a new page? The story hasn’t ended. It never will for my time on this Earth may be temporary but I shall live in spirit for eternity.